“Lexophile” is a term used to describe those who are clever with words, such as “you can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish” , or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”
A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in Dubuque, Iowa. The year’s winning submissions are:
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
- A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
- The batteries were given out free of charge.
- A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
- A boiled egg is hard to beat.
- When you’ve seen one shopping Centre, you’ve seen a mall.
- Police were called to the daycare Centre, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
- A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
- The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
- He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
- When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
- Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
- What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In democracy it’s your vote that counts; In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
- If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
- Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
- Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
- He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
- Every calendar’s days are numbered.
- A lot of money is tainted. ‘Taint yours and ‘taint mine.
- A plateau is a high form of flattery.
- The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
- Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
- Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
- Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.